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Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Emo kids need love too category.

Emo & Angsty Post =(

Everyone’s here. No plans for holidays. And the reason I haven’t hung out with those poeple who came from far away is because I know I will feel like the extra wheel. And she keeps pang poay ki me which pisses me off. I really care for them and appreciate them but when they do some stuff it makes me feel like they don’t value me at all.

Fuck it

I think I have PMS. sorry =(


Damn, like the shinkansen time freaking zooms pass

I was on the shinkansen (bullet train) once when I went to Japan with my family..and when you stand outside and the train passes you it’s like ‘whoaaaaaa awesome cos it’s just sooooooooooooooo fast’ and it’s just a blur but when you are inside, you can still see everything clearly and it really does’t feel that fast when you are inside. And I think in essence, this is what my whole 1st sem of being a uni student has been like.

I had noooo idea time would fly by like that…really…today (as in tomorrow as in thusday) is the last day of classes for this sem OMG. OMGOMGOMG. where did all the time go? I remember the wednesday of the first week of classes where I sat next to this tall ang moh dude with curly hair that you just feel like sticking your hand into (haha it might be just me) Angus who said to me, after that lecture ‘Yay, we’re halfway through the week!’ and I laughed and he said ‘…of the first week, of the first sem, of the first year haha’ lol…and it did seem like such a long time to go didn’t it?

It’s 2 am now and I’m still awake because I keep falling asleep at 10 something when I have to study. Sheesh, wonder why when I facebook I can facebook till late at night. And anyway, I wanted to skype with my parents and they were waiting for me but I had already fallen asleep. Arrrgh I need to study……..Swotvac starts next week…how can I put all that information into my brain? =(

Sigh

This post is just pure rambling sigh. I wished I could have known that time would pass by so quickly when I was watching movies at South Bank, or eating at Korean restaurants in the city, or going to the city just for the hell of it, or eating dim sum at Sunnybank etc

Oh, hi there doggy bones that I loaned overnight from the AD lab…let’s study for skeleton now and hopefully still wake up in time for 10am classes tomorrow!


A Story

Once upon a time there were two friends named Charlotte and Karen. They were so close that they treated each other like sisters, and they even lived together.

Charlotte and Orson were in a relationship before but they have since broken up due to ‘irreconcileable differences’- to quote celebrities.

When all 3 of them ended up in the same university, it seemed to Charlotte that it was weird to be at the same place with her ex-boyfriend again, but they managed. And pretty soon they were like normal friends again. Also, Charlotte was glad that at least she ended up in the same place as most of her other college mates.

When Karen and another housemate started acting weird and secretive, Charlotte felt left-out and dismissed it as a figment of her overactive imagination, but a sequence of events followed and Charlotte accidentally found out that Karen liked Orson and vice versa. Also, Orson had asked Karen to be his girlfriend. Charlotte was in shock…she looked shell-shocked which prompted Karen to ask her whether she was okay and whether she wanted to talk about anything. But Charlotte only replied  mechanically that she was fine, all the while thinking to herself ‘I have to act strong and not break down’. Then, Karen said ‘I have something to tell you’ but Charlotte said ‘It’s ok I know I know and quickly left the room’. She then called a friend who said that he would come over. When Karen went to Charlotte’s room to ask her whether she was going out Charlotte said yes and as Karen was approaching Charlotte, Charlotte sub-consciously backed away- she couldn’t face Karen. Not that she still had any feelings left for Orson- that chapter in her life already had a closure, nor was she angry at Karen. But, to Charlotte, Orson could date any girl in the world and she wouldn’t really care (she might jokingly bitch about it with her girlfriends, but it was no big deal), but why one of her bestfriends? She felt betrayed. Utterly and completely betrayed.

When Charlotte’s friend came over. she left with him and went for a walked. She cried, he consoled her; she cursed, he placated her; she talked, he listened. And he made her feel much better. Without talking to him, Charlotte would have ended up as a mess. When Charlotte went back home, she found out that the other housemate was waiting for her and ended up falling asleep on the couch. Karen was sitting at the stairs, looking like she just cried. With false bravado, Charlotte asked the other housemate to go and sleep and told Karen that she was ok and that she needed to get her assignment done. She then escaped to the safe confines of her room and broke down.

The following day, Charlotte found out that while Orson and her were together, Karen had liked him all along. She never showed it and Charlotte never knew until then. Charlotte’s friend Hamish said ‘She never showed her real feelings last time cos she cares for you as a friend, and now it’s your turn to extend the same courtesy to her’ With that in mind, Charlotte talked to Karen and told her that she wasn’t angry at all, and didn’t mean to hurt her. She was just shocked. When Karen replied that she had told Orson a few minutes ago that she was calling it off, Charlotte was quiet. Karen said she didn’t want to be the person who ruined her relationship with Charlotte, and Charlotte’s relationship with Orson. When she asked Karen whether she did in fact still like Orson and Karen said yes, Charlotte surprised herself by saying ‘go for it’ and that she would try her best to be happy for her as she knew how important this was to her. Karen had always said ‘I want a boyfriend I want a boyfriend’. When Charlotte asked whether the reason she told Orson no was because of her, Karen said no, it was that she wasn’t prepared to be in a relationship. With that, and a lot of tears, both girls hugged and all was well again.

Or so Charlotte thought.

The next day when she met Karen in uni, Karen seemed sad but when prompted she said that she was okay. Charlotte then received a text message (I know this story started with ‘once upon a time’ but let’s assume that they texted that time’ from Orson asking where she was and that he wanted to talk to her. When Orson came over, Charlotte told him that she was shocked. But Orson said that she overreacted when she found out and made Karen cry, to which Charlotte replied ‘And I didn’t??’ Charlotte felt that she just needed time to accept the situation. Takkan when she first found out about this she would be happy and laugh and congratulate the both of them?She told him that she didn’t love him anymore and that he could date anyone at all but why did it have to be her best friend? He then incredulously asked ‘Why not???? It wasn’t me who chose’. What then? God??  When Charlotte tried to come up with an analogy Orson said ‘If I was dating my best friend’s ex-girlfriend I’m sure he would be happy for me’ WTF. Dream On. Charlotte thought ‘Why did I ever love this guy? He’s such an insensitive jerk. Anyone else could understand how I feel but why not you’ Charlotte told Orson that at first she was shock but after that she had indeed told Karen that if she liked Orson she should go for it and Charlotte would try to be happy for her. To which Orson replied ‘Don’t you think it’s too late now?’ Charlotte said  ‘Go ask her again’ and walked away. She broked down in front of her other friends who said that Orson was not worth it to cry over. But the thing is, Charlotte didn’t cry over Orson, she cried because she was frusfrated that Orson couldn’t see where she was coming from and that he made it sound as though the reason he was not together with Karen was all Charlotte’s fault. As if he was very tactful about it. As if he wasn’t wrong at all. As if he could come between 2 good friends. As if it wasn’t his doing that strained a perfectly good friendship.

When Charlotte went back home and checked out Karen’s blog (again, assume that people from ‘once upon a time’ had computers and blogs), she found out that she is still very hurt about the whole matter. On her blog, Karen said that she had hurt both Orson and Charlotte. But she herself was also hurt. She had thought that she was strong enough to get over it, but now she wonders how long it would take to heal. When Charlotte saw the words ‘I tell myself, you have given up on him for her, so just follow whatever you have chosen’, she cannot take it anymore. So Karen has been faking that she was okay while she was shattered inside.

Charlotte makes up her mind. She shall talk to Karen again later. And tell her to accept Orson because even though she would be weirded out by it, the friendship between Charlotte and Karen was very important to Charlotte and she wanted to see Karen happy. Even if it might hurt herself.

This story doesn’t have a closure yet



Clouds Are Fluffy Cotton Candy-Like Things

Random title hehe

My parents organised a farewell party last Saturday. It was an on-off-on again-off again-on again thingy (sorta like Meredith and Derek’s relationship in Grey’s Anatomy lol). There were so many factors ie who to invite; what to order; should we cater or barbeque etcetc. In the end my parents just invited my family members from the paternal and maternal side and also my Dad’s PFS gang haha.

We had barbeque, nasi kandar, cakes and konnyaku jelly etcetc.

Blah I didn’t have any mood to snap pictures. I’m weird like that. I hate farewells boo. I guess part of me was scared that I’d see me trying to act oh-so-happy in all the pictures and failing to do so =(

I did get loads of ang paos though heh heh heh and also a Puma jacket, a Swatch watch and a cuddly furry soft toy. I am super duper appreciative of everything and so touched that people love me like that but when I unwrapped the presents I felt and strange sense of -I can’t put a word on it- Is is reluctance? I mean, I didn’t feel OMG MUAHAHAHA I GOT SO MANY AWESOME STUFF! LALALA I AM SOOOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO BE LEAVING FOR BRISBANE MUAHAHA. I WILL FIND HOT SURFER GUYS THERE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nah, instead I felt homesick already. And veryveryvery reluctant to leave everything that matters behind. All the gifts made everything feel so real.

I find it difficult to sleep lately.

I toss and turn. My heart palpitates. It feels so full it gets heavy. I second-guess my decision. Should I have taken the safe route and go to Form 6 after SPM then proceed to USM which is a 15-minutes-ride from home? Then I think..nah hell no! I’ve always wanted this. I’ve always wanted to study overseas. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity so suck it up and act like an adult. But I can’t suck it up. I worry about everything from the possibility of my luggage being overweight and whether our application for accomodation will be approved or not and why do other students get 30kg baggage allowance but we only get 20?

My heart. It is heavy.

The darkness consumes me as I lie awake at night.

I am starting to miss my family already. When my Mum tells me to be careful and study hard and always always ALWAYS wear sunblock and don’t smoke don’t drink look out for nice guys lol or when Bro tells me that he loves me then proceed to bully me or when I cuddle with Pepper I hold back tears. I do it so vehemently. So determinedly because I don’t want them to see me break down. Not yet.

The clouds. They are fluffy cotton candy-like things.

On another note, today’s a public holiday (Thaipusam) so the Dad’s PFS gang went for a morning walk at Sin Hock mountain (hehehe) and then for dim sum (Julia kept pronouncing the ‘dim’ like how you would pronounce it in this sentence: OMG how can he be so dim? and everyone kept laughing and she said ‘Then why is it spelled as ‘dim’ and not ‘tim’ ar?hehehehehe). And then everyone met again at 12.15 for a seafood lunch at Batu Maung. Super full today foo. Oh yeah, today’s Chap Goh Meh so Ah Ma cooked bubur chacha nomnomnom.

Ah this is the photo of the day! Presenting Lee Wey Lyn ❤

We were at Forever 21 and she was on the phone and I started piling the bag and the necklace and the hat on her hehe

p/s You know that you are over someone when you think of him and all you want for him is to be happy. And when your friends talk about him your facial expression doesn’t change. And when you hear that he is in love in your heart you wish him good luck =) hehe


11 Days..

..till I’ll be leaving for Brisbane!

Thank God for Shen and her Uncle Jovie who works at MAS lol. If not for him we’ll still be waiting for calls from the sponsors telling us when we’re flying. Apparently we’re flying on Valentine’s Day haha..9am flight so have to be there at 5am(!!!). The plane will transit at Sydney first before proceeding to Brisbane…by the time we reach Brisbane it’ll be like 10 or 11pm already.

My parents and I are taking Air Asia down to KL on Friday night. Bro’s not coming cos he has replacement class on Saturday..ahem I didn’t know school’s that important to him..which is a good thing and all, but I am after all his one and only sister. Le sigh.

I’ve started packing some stuff into the gigantic Samsonite luggage..leaving the brand new United Colors of Benetton one at home cos the Samsonite’s bigger. I’m so very afraid of overpacking…there is no ‘pack light’ in my dictionary. Chee Keong called me yesterday and taught me how to apply for extra 10kgs..God I hope it works. I feel so ‘mm seh tak’ so many things =(

So many people for that matter =(

And Penang too =( When I was young I used to say that I’d leave home at 18 (very influenced by Ang Moh culture I tell you..hehe). Back then 18 seemed like such a long way to go..in my 12-year-old mind 18 seemed oh-so-worldly, independant and mature. Well I’m 19-years-old now (20 in November) and I don’t feel wordly..or independant..or mature. Leaving Penang for Shah Alam in 2007 made me realise how important my home and my family and friends was to me. But at least I’d still get to go back home during the holidays or even during weekends. Now I’d only get to do it once a year, at most.

Choong Xiang Xiang is growing up..flying off and leaving so many people and things and even a part of her heart behind. Sometimes I envy those people my age who are wayyy mature and independant and refined than me. I suddenly don’t feel that anymore. I want to be Mummy and Daddy’s little girl. =( Ok unrelistic and a waste of resources for that matter..what’s the use of a daughter that never grows up haha..butbutbut still Le sigh.

Don’t get me wrong..I’m blessed and I truly appreciate all the opportunities that I have..I just feel ‘keberatan’, know what I mean?

On a happier note, Lijia and Liyin are going to NZ at the end of this year and they asked me to join them too

Lijia: Eh come with us to NZ lar. We’ll go stay with Limin

Me: But I’m going home for summer hols

Lijia: Summer hols is like 3 months =.= Just go NZ 2 or 3 weeks nia ma

Me: Limin has extra rooms ar?

Lijia: Got!

Me: Yay!

hahaha


I Wish I Had Perfect Vision

I’ve been wearing spectacles since I was 10 *gasp* so that’s like almost half of my whole existance. I guess it’s weird that I would lament about it NOW seeing as I had so long to get used to it. And I did get use to it..it’s just I can’t help but feel life would be much better without having to deal with this.

Okay honestly, attractive people don’t wear speactacles (Johnny Depp does but he is Johnny Depp after all lol). The only models who wear specs are models advertising for spectacles. Aargh the list goes on…people look much better without specs (I’m not the kind of person who knows how to rock their spectacles..or those that wear awesome cool spectacles that make them look even better), they can play sports better (no fear of breaking them..and let’s not even talk about swimming =/), they don’t become helpless without spectacles, they can wear those oh-so-chic oversized sunnies that I cravecravecrave, it’s so much easier to make out without spectacles in the way etc.

Yes before you say anything, I have heard of this little invention called the contact lense lol. I’ve even tried them in Form 1 to disastrous results. My cornea was scratched =(. I tried the trial pack then and failed on the very last day lol..talk about unlucky. But I’ll be the first person to admit that I am not disciplined. At all. I’ve fallen asleep because I was too tired without removing make up, brushing my teeth or washing my face first. So contact lenses would not be the best for me.

What about LASIK? I don’t mind seeing as the risks are not that high (there are definitely risks though…talk about ‘ai sui mai mia’ choichoichoi) But Dad says like if in the future I get long-sightedness and stuff I’ll have to get spectacles too. And my cornea will be thinner that normal peoples’ and if there are any complications in the future *touch wood* then it would be more risky etcetc.

Boohoo

Rant over.

I had another new pair of spectacles made (did contemplate about contacts but Dad reminded of awful past experience lol…sigh I really wanna be able to wear oversized sunnies) because Dad said it’s better to have one made now and bring the old pair as the spare one since it’s gonna be oh-so-expensive in Aussie. If not for this I wouldn’t have done ot cos I’m very attached to my candy-coloured-frames haha. The new one has photochromic lenses that change colour according to light intensity (cos I hatehatehate glaring sun especially when I’m in the car around 5pm when the sun’s almost setting) and the frame is from Swatch (lol yeah both Mum and I have this Swatch thing going on hehe). Not bad for 220 bucks =)

Old pair

New pair

I still think the old one has more personality haha.

Ok hopefully I’ll learn to love this pair too lol

ps/ Aargh damn tao tia accomodation. Hopefully Aunt J can help us =)


Guilty As Charged

Pinky Pong said “So what have u been doing? Not finding a job arr?? Got hang out with friends onnot? Lol don’t tell me everyday stay at home and blog nia..got so many posts liao XD hehe’
Well…nope, Imma not looking for a job. Lazy..and well, I have to settle my scholarship stuff and blah. But yea, mostly I’m just lazy.

And I’m not antisocial (at least, I don’t think I am) but the bubbly, noisy girl who used to talk to everyone and was game for any outing is MIA. She is instead replaced with a more subdued girl who I repeat, isn’t antisocial…just LAZY. A few guys have asked her out a few times. ‘Guys’ in the context of high school friends who she hasn’t met in a while. And this subdued, lazy girl gives all kinds of excuses to not go out even though it makes her feel guilty..cos she does miss her friends and is pleased that they still remember her and keep asking her out. This subdued, lazy girl doesn’t seem to want to go out anymore..she prefers to sleep until noon, watch tv, blog and read all the Twilight books. She occasionally texts her friends, but mostly her phone remains silent.

Guilty as charged.

Please have the patience to keep asking me out. I’ll try to haul my lazy ass out of the house, I promise.


Oh Fly FM, Why Art Thou Doing This To Me?

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I’m sailing through the sea
To an island where we’ll meet
You’ll hear the music fill the air
I’ll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you’re all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Fly FM seems to be playing this song alot recently. Case in point: I heard in thrice a few days ago…and that was just by being in the car! Sighh every word of this song resonates with something inside me. Listening to it always, ALWAYS reminds me of him.

It’s not healthy, I know, but I can’t let go…yet.

I completely overestimated by ability to let go and forget. Turns out when you really fell so deep and when you really cared so much it’s not that easy.



The Dream

Him. Again.

Face. Voice. Smile. Touch. Hands intertwined.

Is it not enough that my every free waking moment is dominated by random thoughts of him that I can’t just wish away?

Torment is me.


Goodbye My Love

Been thinking of what to write for a very long time. Procrastinated, no doubt. Lost for words =(

My thoughts are occasionally disjointed, just like in the beginning when everything started. Sometimes I’d be doing something totally unrelated to him and my thoughts would suddenly jump to him. I’d be at the Penang Island Jazz Festival having an awesome time when suddenly Denise Mininfield would sing about being left and I’d think about him. Or I’d be listening to Hitz.fm and there would be an ad about PIKOM PC fair in a few places and one of it is Batu Pahat and *whoosh* I’d teringat him. Or I’d be watching any random TV series on Star World and if there are scenes where people kiss/hug/PDA/confess their love etc and *wham there you go*. It probably isn’t THAT healthy to be like this…but it’s normal, right? Rightt?????

‘Lucky’ by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Sunway Pyramid. Midvalley. Pavillion. Sungei Wang. Genting. Dragon-i. Sakae Sushi. My Best Friend’s Girl. Quantum of Solace. Wushu. Madagascar. Seemingly random things that will forever (forever?!?) remind me of him and a different time and space when things were infinitely better.

I remember in Form Four when I broke up my break-up-song was Hilary Duff’s So Yesterday haha. It helped me cope through that 1 week or so I took to get over it. Whoa…only one week? haha I’m surprisingly good at letting go, sometimes I think it’s not very human >.< But this time I don’t have a break-up-song and I’m not letting go as easily. Cos last time it was (now that I think about it) puppy love, no actual official dates even though he did come to my house and my parents did talk to him. You know…the kinda generic typical parent-boyfriend 1st conversation that kinda goes like this

Form Four Boyfriend (FFB): Hi Uncle, Auntie

Parents: Hello, nice to meet you. Which school are you from?

FFB: (school’s name)

Oh wait..I’ve kinda forgotten what happened after that lol. But yea that pretty much was the gist of what happened when the FFB came to my house that day. And then we proceeded to pretend to study cos my parents we somewhere in the vicinity..lol. And when we broke up I was devastated I even blogged about it (OMG!!!!! deja vu!!!!) on Friendster nonetheless http://blurrycheryl.blog.friendster.com/page/2/ =.= However, that was nothing compared to this

But I digress. What I meant to convey was that was then and well, this time it was different. This time I was actually serious, and I thought it would last (don’t we always?). I poured my heart, soul, mind, body into the relationship. And when it was over I was left with a gaping, aching hole in my heart that made me so empty.

Speaking of which, what is it with me and short-duration-relationships? Am I cursed??? Although there has been a significant improvement compared to the last one, it is still quite annoying. I am done with short-duration-relationships, thank you very much.

Fortunately, not all is lost. I’ve learned quite a lot in that relationship. And now that it’s over, I’m learning even more. About myself, about being with someone, about people in general and I’m thankful for that.I’ve learnt that I should be more mature (and the thing is, breaking up did make me more mature..at least I FEEL more mature. Does that count? hehe). And I’ve learnt that I should do many things differently next time. And I’ve also learnt that the most important thing is loving yourself for who you are and that your significant other should make you love yourself more and not otherwise. In addition, if you really love someone, you love them despite all their flaws. And I’ve learnt that love is blind, deaf and dumb but that’s just life and if you don’t let yourself fall, you’ll never fall in love.

Also, breaking up illustrated the importance of friends- friends who text you incessantly to ask you how you are holding up, friends who hug you tightly and tell you “It’s OK, one day you will find your Jing Hong” LMAO , friends who talk to you on the phone for hours to counsel you, friends halfway round the world who tell you it’s for the better, friends who call you after work and ask you whether you wanna go yum cha or not cos they just found out about it on Facebook (lol Facebook somehow makes everyone lose their privacy haha but I’m totally cool with it lol) and the list goes on. All this made me realise that boyfriends are not 100% necessary but friends are. Which is why we’re remaining as friends, seeing as we were awesome platonic friends before everything started. And the thing is, even though we may pretend or try to preserve that friendship, the truth is it will never be the same. Ever. Which is kinda sad. But like Amir said, that’s always the risk when you get yourself into a relationship.

The thing is, I’m ok…I’ve only cried like twice or thrice so far. And I’m coping and spending time with the people who mean the world to me.

It was a short ride but we had fun didn’t we =)