Chero Chero!



Goodbye My Love

Been thinking of what to write for a very long time. Procrastinated, no doubt. Lost for words =(

My thoughts are occasionally disjointed, just like in the beginning when everything started. Sometimes I’d be doing something totally unrelated to him and my thoughts would suddenly jump to him. I’d be at the Penang Island Jazz Festival having an awesome time when suddenly Denise Mininfield would sing about being left and I’d think about him. Or I’d be listening to Hitz.fm and there would be an ad about PIKOM PC fair in a few places and one of it is Batu Pahat and *whoosh* I’d teringat him. Or I’d be watching any random TV series on Star World and if there are scenes where people kiss/hug/PDA/confess their love etc and *wham there you go*. It probably isn’t THAT healthy to be like this…but it’s normal, right? Rightt?????

‘Lucky’ by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Sunway Pyramid. Midvalley. Pavillion. Sungei Wang. Genting. Dragon-i. Sakae Sushi. My Best Friend’s Girl. Quantum of Solace. Wushu. Madagascar. Seemingly random things that will forever (forever?!?) remind me of him and a different time and space when things were infinitely better.

I remember in Form Four when I broke up my break-up-song was Hilary Duff’s So Yesterday haha. It helped me cope through that 1 week or so I took to get over it. Whoa…only one week? haha I’m surprisingly good at letting go, sometimes I think it’s not very human >.< But this time I don’t have a break-up-song and I’m not letting go as easily. Cos last time it was (now that I think about it) puppy love, no actual official dates even though he did come to my house and my parents did talk to him. You know…the kinda generic typical parent-boyfriend 1st conversation that kinda goes like this

Form Four Boyfriend (FFB): Hi Uncle, Auntie

Parents: Hello, nice to meet you. Which school are you from?

FFB: (school’s name)

Oh wait..I’ve kinda forgotten what happened after that lol. But yea that pretty much was the gist of what happened when the FFB came to my house that day. And then we proceeded to pretend to study cos my parents we somewhere in the vicinity..lol. And when we broke up I was devastated I even blogged about it (OMG!!!!! deja vu!!!!) on Friendster nonetheless http://blurrycheryl.blog.friendster.com/page/2/ =.= However, that was nothing compared to this

But I digress. What I meant to convey was that was then and well, this time it was different. This time I was actually serious, and I thought it would last (don’t we always?). I poured my heart, soul, mind, body into the relationship. And when it was over I was left with a gaping, aching hole in my heart that made me so empty.

Speaking of which, what is it with me and short-duration-relationships? Am I cursed??? Although there has been a significant improvement compared to the last one, it is still quite annoying. I am done with short-duration-relationships, thank you very much.

Fortunately, not all is lost. I’ve learned quite a lot in that relationship. And now that it’s over, I’m learning even more. About myself, about being with someone, about people in general and I’m thankful for that.I’ve learnt that I should be more mature (and the thing is, breaking up did make me more mature..at least I FEEL more mature. Does that count? hehe). And I’ve learnt that I should do many things differently next time. And I’ve also learnt that the most important thing is loving yourself for who you are and that your significant other should make you love yourself more and not otherwise. In addition, if you really love someone, you love them despite all their flaws. And I’ve learnt that love is blind, deaf and dumb but that’s just life and if you don’t let yourself fall, you’ll never fall in love.

Also, breaking up illustrated the importance of friends- friends who text you incessantly to ask you how you are holding up, friends who hug you tightly and tell you “It’s OK, one day you will find your Jing Hong” LMAO , friends who talk to you on the phone for hours to counsel you, friends halfway round the world who tell you it’s for the better, friends who call you after work and ask you whether you wanna go yum cha or not cos they just found out about it on Facebook (lol Facebook somehow makes everyone lose their privacy haha but I’m totally cool with it lol) and the list goes on. All this made me realise that boyfriends are not 100% necessary but friends are. Which is why we’re remaining as friends, seeing as we were awesome platonic friends before everything started. And the thing is, even though we may pretend or try to preserve that friendship, the truth is it will never be the same. Ever. Which is kinda sad. But like Amir said, that’s always the risk when you get yourself into a relationship.

The thing is, I’m ok…I’ve only cried like twice or thrice so far. And I’m coping and spending time with the people who mean the world to me.

It was a short ride but we had fun didn’t we =)

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Comments

  1. * Judy says:

    mayb u tin i never cared but it was never like that.
    i do it’s jz i never dare to show it.
    hope ure okay.hugs.

    Love,
    Judy

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 10 months ago
  2. * pinkypong says:

    Babe,
    u’ll be fine as times goes by, i have faith in u… we all do
    i feel so sad when i was reading ur blog, full of pity and anger, but when i continue reading it, i’m glad that u’re thinking positively, i can feel that u really have became a more mature lady than u were before, that u’re strong and isnt afraid to fall in love again.
    good job babe… well done

    Always remember that you are absolutely unique… and we love u for it
    xoxoxo

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 10 months ago
  3. * Jian Wei says:

    KAWAN…..

    I am glad you are ok. Considering that you are feisty and all. =)

    Go to Australia and find another lah! And remember to send me chocolates that time! =)

    Regards,
    Jian Wei

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 10 months ago


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